me Happy ?

happy?? finally, I can start to breathe again and my heart can start to beat normally,no more excessive caffeine..Things had been too hectic that I forgot to breathe a few times. People die when they have insufficient oxygen in their lungs you know. Luckily I'm alive. But then again, having free time and too much oxygen doesn't even save me from misery.

Sometimes I just don't know myself anymore. I don't know which one is the real me. The emotional crazy.. who throw tantrums and curse everything that are not seems to be right OR just a plain optimistic man who has a strong faith that one day her dreams will come true and all she has to do when things are not in her way, is to be PATIENT. Patience... easy concept to grasp... yet elusive to perform... takes much more to maintain...and now...yaa you can say i'm happy..lallaala

Betul ka ni?

LIBRA (Sept. 24 to Oct.23)
You will be busy making sure you get everything done properly so no-one can challenge your decision later.

.....Demit stupid horoscope.....


Current setting ..?? saja-saja la..

ada org cakap bilang aku sombong sebab jarang tersenyum dan ndak pandang orang...yalah pandangan orang, ...terima jak jangan lawan.

tapi,hakikatnya, aku ndak sombong pun, aku sebenarnya pemalu. jadi aku avoid pandang mata orang...kalau ndak percaya tegurla aku dulu. you’ll know how wonderful i am. ...[muahahahhaha]
bagus jugak tu kalau orang panggil aku sombong dari panggil aku noob? haha...talking about setting my priority right. lalalaala

*i love you..lalallaa

Current mood ??

i’m an ass, i mess things up further by giving my opinion...hurmm i have keep quite. but by keeping quite means messing things up altogether. so u understand what i feel right now? i feel guilty. so f*****g guilty
if she read this, i just wanted u to know that i’m so sorry. sorrier than i can say. believe me when i said something about that i mean it...no turning back, u have the right to be mad at me ..it’s ok if u think i dont deserve it. i dont expect to be pardoned. but i hope someday, u will find it in your heart to understand, if not forgive, me.

i am so sorry. sorrier than i can say. i am not going to defend myself by explaining my action. but i apologize for everything i’ve say...

be Gut Or be Bad ??

Dari semalam aku layan dota start dari pukul 8pm sampai la pukul 5am tadi, sambil-sambil tu adalah yang terlintas di minda sempena maulidul rasul ni then somehow i was thinking of this two very ending of the journey. kemana kita akan pergi? depending from the path i took now. certainly hell. however i was trying to find something inside me that been missing in me for a very long time. apa dia dan di mana iya? why does it gone. i don't really know. but some of us could call it "religion". in which part of my religion is missing in me? all of them. sometime i wonder do i deserve to have a my card with islam religion there? i still here in the dark looking for the path which will lead me to heaven.

kadang-kadang ada yang gelar aku sebagai zealot..ntah apa tu,bunyi macam alien, some people know me as free thinker(atheist). why? mungkin sebab latar belakang aku. perhaps many of you guys didn't know. so let me tell you the story of me. way before i was in form 4. i was confront with some heavy family and emotional problem. despite all the stressed situation i was listening to a music genre called black metal which is loud and blurry sound. i was so intrested with the lyrics. because it was unclearly spoken and can't catch up. so surf up the internet.sana la aku jumpa beribu-ribu links regarding their ideology. from there. i started to doubt about everything. from my religion to my existence. even afterlife matters. i did some research on my own. i don't know where the spirit came from. but i can feel that something is inspiring me and derived me to seek for something that i don't know. i do and after some ritual i'd done. i was ready. to be the next demon. why i said that even i know i am a human? because the demon job is to bring the people to the road of lust. i did. i became active in fighting and debating on religious issues. main weapon is ordinary logic. yes. that is the weapon. and how do i win in the battle which i fought one "imam". by manipulating the enemy mind. after some tweaks he lose. and called for one "ustaz" to confront me. at this point started to be lazy. i didn't even fight with him. because i know the same thing they would talk. the basis in their speech will be always spiritual supremacy. let me tell you something. ordinary people have two kind of thinking. one is afraid of new things and start rejecting solely. while the other one is they easily believe in something that is easily seen(logic thinking). as far as i concern. this two type of people is what we are. only a few of the living human is not in this two kind. that kind of people i would called "sufi". why? because they the one who know about their religion and can combine logic and spiritual into one invincible shield. they can't be manipulate by my words and my skills. wow. this is the one that defeat me in speech. they turned me into speechless. i can't fight even one word from them. at that point i was changing again. i became more silenced. i became an observer of the world. i observe and analyze the scenario happen. that is the turning point. i know there is god and what is the used of religion. i stopped from diverging people from their own religion. i became someone who is natural. i believe there is god. but i just kept searching god in my life. in anyway. i want to meet the meaning of religion and god by learning. let it be thousands years. but i rather learning and knowing the reason why am i called islam. and so on. i don't want to become some bitch who say they are islam but in the same time they didn't know about it. they just do what they've been told by someone. such a jerk isn't it? i want to know and i'm learning now. bit by bit. let is slow and steady flow rather then some religous pathethic followers who blindly follows. i believe this kind of blind people is the one who destructing their own religion.


however there is still one question. if i'm not longer that kind of atheist people. but yet i'm still not real islam. i mean. i still not practising a lot of my prayer. i still do a lot of bad things. what am i? i still can't answer that question. everyday waking and asking the same question. where will my life journey ends? hell or heaven? could posibbly one day i find the answer of life?? no one knows because tommorow is the new dawn with a new step to take. always..and now just thinking aku ni baik ka jahat..aku rasa jahat la..

the path i take is dark and cold. the end is unknown.
but i'm willing to walk it. meet me in the end~

Hidup bukan senang tau..

Life has taught my one thing if i could just compose it in a sentence...macam orang cakap, you can never write life.nor edit it. nor rewrite it. nor delete it...

cruel it may seems. i've written so many paragraphs of what i thought life would turn out to be. i've written what it thought would happen and what i thought who turn out to be. those were nothing out of the extraordinary..senangkan tanggaapan kita.. but somehow none of my writings came true. be it positive or negative 'expectations', none of it really become a reality..

so much of trying to be optimistic about the future, crafting and writing in full optimism, optimism fell short in my real life. it turned out to be the opposite. then my next paragraph i tried to play as close to life, adding few pessimism to my life story. but then it turned out to be the opposite, again.

just why can't we predict life? i know life of predictability is a boring one but life of the opposite is no better either. i can't stand expectations. i can't stand the attacks of them. i can't stand it's back stabbing. the moment you thought you have started to get a clear definition of your life, the terms has changed. and the moment you thought you are trying to get the hang of life, it hooks and kills you.

for me: i blog when i need to motivate myself, when i'm in anger, sadness, bad situation. when i'm happy,aku tulis kau baca.


Aku ??

aku tahu siapa aku
aku dengan cara aku
siapa tahu hanya DIA yang tahu
apa kufikir itu aku
aku bukan orang dulu-dulu
yang satu apa pun tidak tahu
aku fikir diriku dulu
baru kamu semua ada dikepalaku!!
sesuatu itu istimewa sebenarnya
bukan boleh dinilai begitu sahaja
sesuatu yang mahal sebenarnya
ibarat bintang dari syurga
sesuatu itu bukan perkara biasa
kerana disebaliknya
ada hikmahnya
sesuatu sedang magajar kita
agar lebih dewasa...


Life is Random, so am i


pain that we hide

tears drops when something happen..

untuk bapak tersayang:
"save your penny for other siblings. tau jugak aku, aku bukan siapa-siapa. i'll pay back if you want."

untuk mamak tercinta:
"cry as much as you can. coz after you gone. it's me who will cry for you. not them"

untuk adik perempuanku:
"you the smart ass around here. you'll figured out someday who i am"

untuk adik-adikku:
"satu masa nanti kamu akan ambik tempat aku... when that day come. i'm out of it"

untuk keluargaku:
"aku tau, aku yang paling tua. but it doesn't means that i'm the one to be fooled,controlled and judged around here. i've been enduring to survive in this house. why?sebab bila masa sesuatu terjadi, aku punca bagi segalanya, dan bila semuanya berlaku kamu jauh pulak dari aku. i don't give a shit about it. i talk,shout or do what i want. deal with it or fold me out. and i'm strongly oppose the quotation 'my home,my paradise'. simply because paradise is nothing near that i can be. i'm burning inside this house. coz no one seems to understand me..aku ndak minta banyak, cuma paham-paham sajalah, sebab kita keluarga. "

and then i would like to say that.

"supposely, aku harus hormat keluargaku dan kamu semua. but as long as you didn't. i'm ain't giving any shit."

to all followers,my wordpress,twiter and here say my word..:Terima Kasih.
really appreciate that. thanx.

recently i was losing my sanity.
i've become cold,quiet and rebellious.
it's not that i'm liking it.
but i'm moving towards it.
i was so out of the mood.
it's like everyone was turning back.
it's like everything was fading away.
so i guess i just turned away from all this nonsense.
the more i think,care or love.
the more it's hurt.
so i'm leaving.


The Something The Begins

When I was very young
Nothing really mattered to me
But making myself happy
I was the only one

Now that I am grown
Everythings changed
I'll never be the same
Because of you
Nothing really matters
Love is all we need
Everything I give you
All comes back to me

Looking at my life
Its very clear to me
I lived so selfishly
I was the only one

I realize
That nobody wins
Something is ending
And something begins

Nothing takes the past away
Like the future
Nothing makes the darkness go
Like the light

You're shelter from the storm
Give me comfort in your arms

*How To Discribe my life ? nothing really matters T_T

mimpi disiang hari

kemarin.. i dream about 3 people.
1. Likku
2. Nanang
3. Linda

hurmm..been missing them for no reason, Likku aku sudah kenal lama, asal Kenigau tapi menetap di Tawau, sekrang dia kerja di KL sana, perhotelan.. Ya, sesuai dengan orangnya xD
Kawan yang memang di panggil kawan dengan erti kata lain, sahabat! kalau pasal makan,jangan risau biar poket kosong perut tetap isi haha. Kawan dota aku sejak tahun dulu-dulu lagi, it one of my "happiest" time in my life. :) just say dota.

Nanang?? Ya.. she is one of my closest friends one long long time ago. back in the kindergarden.
she lived near to my house and we always get together all the time.
but then her farther is transfered to Kota Kinabalu somewhere. so she left me. :(

Linda? i really don't know nothing. back to the time i know her. she is a quite person. but somehow she managed to appeared in my dream. hairan la..

but i ever wonder. does anyone dream of me?
my old friends? did they remembered me?

*That is escallily how i feel

jadi ahli politik kejap haha..

hurmm..i hate to say this... but i just realize that dewan rakyat is not a hall where the representative argue about the people. but they argue about political issues. the only reason why they discuss about the people problem is actually just to condemn the other political parties. apa sua jadi da?? f**K

*you all can ignore this part..saja,pagi2 layan surat kabar.. xD


freaking ?

Ok, here we goes again, this is what happen when the freaking mood for blogging is suddenly there. .Now I'm going to rant in this freaking morning until I'm freaking ngantuk. haha!! and hell yeah, I'm freaking insomnia..
I was freaking starving because just now bo..I ate freaking nothing
from the freaking morning this day
Went back to freaking house at freaking midnight,then play freaking dota and make me really had a freaking good time haha.. xD

*me: where all the freaking player ?

Ya..aku EGO!

i do admit

Sometimes we have to push our ego up

Especially when dealing with this kind of ‘too ego’ person!!

So making me sometimes I do push up my ego

Just to not look so stupid when dealing with that kind of guys/girls!

You don’t need to be humble all the time and looked stupid aren’t you?

Especially when you have ‘friends’ or GF or bf that always like to prove to the world how stupid are you!

Our parents don’t raise us up so that we would look like stupid isn’t it?

Unfortunately, I heard that people that are calling me ego said that they heard or knew it from this only one source. To be exact, this one person. Its hard to accept right when a ‘pondan’ called you ‘pondan’ like seriously and without realizing he or she is the one which truly ‘pondan’? Same case with mine (except change the pondan words with ‘full with ego’)

Sad? No

Disappointed? Yes

Pissed off? Yes

I am sorry towards those guys/girls that think I am too ego

Maybe I am and I don’t realized it

But when you say it, please don’t say

‘ I heard this guy/girl said you r an ego, so I think u are an ego person’

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

You think I am full with ego because of someone else think like that?

Maybe if he/she said I rape or kill someone

You also have to believe that?

Fuckoff!! I don’t need this kind of friends

Note: stop downsize-ing people laa.. come on.. if you want to become soo popular, tell all the people how great you are not criticizing others..

You are full of shit..the -eNd-


sedap... ?

saya demam...yeahhh

to my dearest brother's

dear brother's

you know i love you to death,
i would die for you if that is what it takes for you to be happy.
hang in there bro, cause i know you can.
even when all else fails, know that i'm still around.
you were there for me, it's time i do the same for you.
you'll never be alone, i promise you that.

*i'm celebrating the fact that we still have each other. hee hee :)


here i stand

a friend of mine pointed out the other day how she really likes being where i am now, -somewhere in between. which according to her, bears a lot of advantages rather than being in either one of the sides. kira macam i get the best of both worlds cengitu. but the truth is, i'm not known for my audacity to endure risks nor am i known to be the one who dares to take the bull by the horn.

and to be in such circumstance right now, is just sucks. lagi lagi bila hati dah terpaut, oh sangat payah!

to the girls with a perang hair who loves to sing there heart out while driving, i just wanna say..

Ich vermisse dich.. :(

you know who you are.

between us

option came by
which way now
should i pass by
or stop now

lost in the middle
seeking the ample
road to walk me there
to the very end,where?

i take the rough
part where make me tough
i take the confused
to teach me how to fused

this is a hard life
why did i take it?
because this is my life
road that i take it

make the difference between us.

Hurm..i knew it.
my latest poem end up to be jelek.
sorry ... not being writing these kind of stuff for a long time.
so this is my latest writing. hope you can comment on it.

Kenanggan Sekolah

*masa cikgu panggil

*bila cikgu suruh buat kerja

*bila dapat homework

*bila tiada idea mau buat karanggan

*bila kawan banyak alasan dan banyak cakap

*bila otak jam

*bila kawan tukar fikiran last minit

*bila malas mau buat kerja

*bila cikgu suruh study lebih masa

*bila homework siap dengan jayanya

*bila homework gagal

*bila bosan

*bila dapat cuti

*Gembira lalalaa..

My Guilt Talking

Hurmm..what to say yaah..ok here.

to All,


I hope you will find it in your heart, if not to forgive me, at least to understand...Sorry !


bleach anime -alones-

Oreta awai tsubasa
Kimi wa sukoshi
Aosugiru sora ni tsukareta dake sa
Mou dareka no tame janakute
Jibun no tame ni waratte ii yo

Izen to shite shinobiyoru kodoku
Uchigawa ni tomoru rousoku
Nigiwau ba ni gouka na shanderia to wa urahara ni
Tarinai kotoba no
Kubomi o nani de umetara ii n’ darou
Mou wakaranai yo
Semete yume no naka de
Jiyuu ni oyogetara anna sora mo iranai no ni
Kinou made no koto wo
Nuritsubusa nakute mo asu ni mukaeru no ni

Oreta awai tsubasa
Kimi wa sukoshi
Aosugiru sora ni tsukareta dake sa
Mou dareka no tame ja nakute
Jibun no tame ni waratte ii yo

Rettoukan to no wakai wa
Kantan ni wa kanawanaisa
Jiishiki no teppen ni suwaru
Kagami ga utsusu hanabira
Furishiboru you ni
Kogoreta ai wo sakende miru keredo
Meguru toki no naka de
Kizuguchi wa yagate
Kasabuta ni kowatte iku
Kimi wa sore o matazu
Totemo utsukushiku
Totemo hakanage de

Hagare ochita ato no
Ubuge no you ni
Hiwamari no naka de furueru inori
Ima wa muri ni dareka no koto wo
Ai sou to omowanakute ii no ni

Toki ni kono sekai wa
Ue wo muite
Aruku ni wa sukoshi mabushii sugiru ne
Shizumu you ni
Me wo fuseru to
Kawaita chimen ga namida wo susuru
Why do you feel so
Alone anytime
Subete wo uketomenakute ii yo
Why do you feel so
Alone anytime
Koraeru koto dakedo
Yuuki ja nai

translation is provided below!

Your folded pale wings
are just a little tired from the overly blue sky
You don’t have to force your smile for anyone else
It’s alright to smile only for yourself

Loneliness continues to creep up on me,
a candle alight on the inside
Such a gorgeous chandelier
shouldn’t be at a crowded party, like this one
Why should I bury it all
in the emptiness of words that are lacking?
I don’t know anymore

As long as we can swim freely in our dreams,
we don’t need the sky anymore
Even if I can’t paint over everything
that happened up until yesterday,
I’ll still come out to meet you tomorrow

Your folded pale wings
are just a little tired from the overly blue sky
You don’t have to force your smile for anyone else
It’s alright to smile only for yourself

Inferiority complexes and reconciliations
aren’t things that will come true so easily
The mirror that remains
at the top of self-consciousness reflects flower petals
It looks like my voice is strained
from trying to cry out with an impure love
It’s irritating

In these changing times,
wounds will soon turn into scabs
Without waiting for that to happens,
you’re so beautiful, and so fleeting…

Prayers shiver in the sun,
like traces of down that have come loose
It’s alright to not think about loving someone
as being too much for you right now

Sometimes this world is a little bit too dazzling
to walk looking upward in
When you cast your eyes down,
as though sinking, the dry ground slurps up your tears

Why do we feel so alone anytime?
You don’t have to take on everything
Why do we feel so alone anytime?
Just putting up with it isn’t courage
lets sing a song! a japanese one! actually bleach anime OST... yeay2! nice song for me now.


Anda Kena Tagged Lagi...!!!!

so..here we go......!!!!!

Name (full):
AdeQ Badru Naim Bin Caco
-bad, nai, bilis <---- org panggil name ni...

1 only
-satu jak adik prempuan aku a.k.a my beloved sister ever.. Puspa

2 org...
-2² pun adik lelaki....

Shoe size:
6 tau 7...
-kecik jak kaki aku

5.2ft or 156cm...
-rendang jak aku ni...

Where do you live:
-Kg.Pasir.Putih Tawau, Sabah

Have you ever been on a plane :
-ndak perna

Swam in the ocean:
-ya..masa cuti dekat Pulau Mabul, dgn Pulau Sipadan

Fallen asleep at school:
-dulu-dulu selalu, bila cikgu tanya ckp period...lalalala

Broken someone’s heart:
-Owes..play boys pulak... >.<

Fell off your chair:
- haiz ?

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call:
-tia perna, phone sllu off

Saved e-mails:
-yup....sbb senang kalau mau refer blk....

What is your room like:
-emm..biasa jak, tapi sellau tidur dekat luar, bila dah tidur tidak masuk bilik sudah,tv atau laktop yg tgok aku...lallala

What is the last thing you ate:
-premium sebatang tadi pagi..dan baru kjp tadi minum susu jak..blom sentuh nasi lagi..

Ever had:-

1.Chicken pox:
masa kecik dulu, tidak ingat umur berapa

2.Sore throat:
hurm...tia ingat

erkk..? aku laki.. haha

4.Broken nose:

Do you…Believe in love at first sight :
selalu..sbb mudah jauh cinta..tapi tiada penghujung....

Who was/were…The last person you danced with:
tidak perna,

Last made you smile:
semlm, puspa send me xtenel 500gb xD

Today did you…Talk to someone you like:
erm....with zai my brother,playing ps2 sama sama..kalahkan dia main Taken 4 xD

Get sick:
gastrik,demam, selsema...dan sebagainya

Miss someone:
bapak,mamak,puspa,salman [adik aku yang kerja di semporna]

Did you ever…Kissed anyone:
did i ?

Talk to an ex:
last week, dalam telepon..dia call aku sibuk main dota, tidak tau dia cakap apa..

Miss your ex:
sekarang, emm...nahhh

Who do you really hate:

Do you like your hand-writing:

Are your toe nails painted:
tidak ada la..

Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in:
emm ? ntah...

What color shirt are you wearing now:
bau aku lepas mandi haha...

Are you a friendly person:

Do you have any pets:
dun have any..

Do you sleep with the TV on:

What are you doing right now:
jawab tag ni smbil isap rokok sambil minum susu kacang soya aku..[jgn mintak kurang ni xD]

Can you handle the truth:
InsyaAllah cuba tp kalau waktu2 sedih tumau buat mcm mana
always think positive la kalo mau pujuk diri sendiri…

Are you closer to your mother or father:
mamak la walaupun selalu gado2…

Do you eat healthy:
tidak juga..sometimes

Do you still have pictures of you & your ex:

If you’re having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to:
balik umah….

Are you loud or quiet most of the time:
depends…but mostly quiet..siapa yg perna kawan aku dia tau.

Are you confident:
kalo aku rasa aku buat benda betul, mmg aku confident…

5 things I was doing 10 years ago.. :
erm..byk tu..
lps abis skolah,tukar keje byk kali,bcinta byk kali, apa lagi ya...lalalalaa

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire
x tau la sbb x penah ade duit byk camtu…
Yg penting hutang kasi settle..
Keluarga diutamakan….
Derma, zakat n melabur juga….
Pastu baru la aku pk nak wat benda lain…..
Depends on keinginan aku masa tu la…

5 places I’ve lived/living:
rumah aku jak masa sekarang nie..

5 people I tag.
apa pulak 5..suka hati aku la mau tag berapa orang..aku mau tag 10 boleh?
Moon Spell
Cik Akma
Rina dorina
Aandi Natalia
Adik Nikmakaimin
boleh aku tmbah lagi ?
dan anda.

wah…..penat jugak jawab tagged…ndak apa janji hutang sudah selesai..haha

satu penghargaan bila org tag kita..bermakna org ingat dengan kita....

HaHaHa BaCa !

HaHaHa... ahahHahHa.......HhehehhHEhHHEHee ...HahahahHahah
ok macam nie, mana satu yang kamu semua pilih, muda di dalam atau muda di luar?

K, let me rephrase that... kamu prefer untuk [1] nampak muda tapi ingatan macam orang tua, atau [2] tua as in biological age is tua, tapi ingatan cam orang muda?

Serius, aku sudah termasuk dlm golongan nombor [1] tu. Tahap ingatan aku sangatlah lemah sampai ia menakutkan aku kadang-kadang

rokok aku dah beli dekat satu kedai di kg nie,tiba2 mau minum kacang soya,jadi aku pergi la kedai yang berdekatan dekat kg,aku masuk satu kedai nie beli [susu kacang soya] [kota, saiz besar] sbb aku suka minum nie..harga dia RM5, Aku pergi bayar la Rm5 dekat pemilik kedai dia then aku tunggu depan dia...

....tunggu duit balance...

Aku rasa dekat 20-30 saat jugakla aku berdiri cam orang gila depan tuan punya kedai runcit tu, sambil dalam hati ku membebel, orang ni lembab ka apa mau bagi duit balance before aku sedar yang duit tu ndada balance.

Ya. 30 saat.....cukup la tu~~

Gila aku ni~~
this post is triggered by a conversation i had with a friend a while ago. he told me about the hardship in his life and i sat there, transfixed to hear his colorful and adventurous life. compared to his, my life is very sheltered, very… ordinary,but not at all... and i felt bad i didn’t and couldn’t say something to make him feel better as he’s bittered beyond hope. i want to say that this is not the end of the world, that life has much to offer. but he won’t listen. he asked me to elaborate. i know i cant elaborate on that, but i just know that life is full of hope. life gives you second chance. just don’t give up with life. life might treat you rough, but i believe there’s reason behind that. God wont test you with something you cant cope. HE test you harder than most ppl because you are stronger than any of us.

if u have food in the refrigerator, clothes on ur back, roof overhead and place to sleep, u are richer than 75% of the population of this world.

if u have money in the bank, in ur wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are the top 8% of the world.

if you woke up this morning with more health than illness, u r more blessed than the million who wont survive this week.

if u hv never experience the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation, u r ahead of 500 million ppl in the world...

if u can pray in mosque without fear the harassments, arrest, torture and death, u r more blessed than 3billion ppl in the world.

if ur parents are still alive and still married, u r very rare.

so, why the frown? why lost hope? why u give up on life? no matter how big the problem seems, i think u r truly blessed, truly fortunate. don’t simply think there is only one way to be happy.. IF only i can hv that, then i’ll be happy. IF only i can do that, then i’ll be happy... IF only they leave me alone, then i’ll be happy. those are big IFs. why do u hv to wait until those things to happen to be happy? why don’t u just be happy NOW?

yes, ppl will say nasty things, but do their opinion matter? do they important enough for u to care of their opinion anyway? did they pay for ur food? did their father did? no? then go to hell with them...

i know i hv to live ur life to understand what u going through, but from what little i know, u r truly blessed, truly fortunate. so be happy. i’m sorry i cant be the companion. but i’m sure there are so many ppl out there who care about u. so be happy. be grateful.

.. life only once. why waste on worrying those toxic ppl? they are not worth it…




* tgh marah, benggang ni sekarang..tu pasal dengar lagu lagu cute...lalallaaa

Cute Song's

Don't Let Me Fall lyrics

underneath the moon, underneath the stars
heres a little heart for you
up above the world, up above it all
heres a hand to hold on to

but if i should break, if i should fall away
what am i to do?
i need someone to take, a little of the weight
or ill fall through

you're just the one that i've been waiting for
i'll give you all that i have to give and more
but don't let me fall

take a little time, walk a little line
got the balance right
give a little love, gimme just enough
so that i can hang on tight

we will be alright, ill be by your side
i wont let you down
but i gotta know, no matter how things go
that you will be around


Don’t let me fall

underneath the moon, underneath the stars
here’s a little heart for you
up above the world, up above it all
here’s a hand to hold on to


you'll be the one that I’ll love forever more
ill be here holding you high above it all
but don’t let me fall


aku logik aku tak logik ?

Bayangkan kau seorg gangster ganas di bandar besar. Semua org tau nama kau. Semua org tau keganasan kau. Pendek kata, kau mmg hebat..hebatla..di atasnya hebat lagi

Kau kontrol semua aspek dekat bandar tu. Kau monopoli perniagaan dia, entertainment, sosial, even politik... Polis pun jaga "belakang" kau... (Cover your ass la in English. lucu pulak bila diterjemahkan dlm English, that don’t seem so offensive anymore).

Kau monopoli everything sampai org ndak boleh lari dr kau. Beli barang yg even kecik macammana pun, sure ada terpalit share kau jugak. Pendek kata, ko mmg hebat.

Hidup kau sua biasa bergelumang dgn keganasan sampai kau potong tgn org sbb pinjam duit dr kau tu dh kira normal. Macam potong kepak ayam. Sedap pun sodap... Mencarut tu pun kira sudah macam zikir pada kau. Pendek kata, kau mmg hebat la.

Then tetiba pada satu hari, ada la surat ntah dr bandar mana2 kutuk kau. “Kutuk kutuk kutuk kutuk kutuk kutuk kutuk kutuk kutuk kutuk...kekekee, Klu kau potong tgn org lagi, kita semua ndak mahu kawan kau.” Kata surat tu.

Apa kau buat?

Igt, kau gangster besar ni. Polis pun jaga kau.

Klu aku jadi gangster besar tu, aku akan gelak dgn surat kutukan tu sbb bagi aku, benda tu tidak lebih dr flyer iklan pasaraya Parkwell haha..


Aku rasa org Israel tu pun rasa begitu juga bila kita ugut nk boikot dia… Haha..

*It Used to Seems Serious. Now I Beg to Differ…


playing your games

recently someone try to fools me. by pretending to be someone else.
u know? the spies game. frankly. below is the step i take.

#unknown numbers in and claimed to be someone i'd know.
#check and re-check with enemy and friends. result is negative.
#called the person who she claimed to be. again the result is negative.
-it's a game. for me. two level of checking is enough. becoz i don't have too many friend and enemy. i do trust on both of them. enemy and friend. that is how you keep track of everything they try.
-then? play the game. pretend to be what the organizers of the games want you to be.
-when i had enough laughing. i tells that the game was total rubbish. and laugh. haha

okay. thats all. owh. then the organizer of the game try to says this and that. try to remind me that she is the winner even not claiming it. but here is my few questions to the reader. not the organizer. because the organizer won't think before act. that is why she didn't qualified to answer these kind of question.

the question is.
#in a game. can the organizer be the winner? nop.
#in a game. can the word uses in game be used outside? nop.
#in a game. is there any possibility that the organizer is taking advantage on participants?
definitely yes. it's always obvious and always happened.

this is what i get after the game. i think she need a reason to pull away from me. it's a reason so she can't be avoided to be blame by everyone around. or it might be a reason to prevent her from feeling guilty. and that is the conclusion here. my last word to everyone is. i'd faced this a lot. this is how the game of life is played. playing your games

*for me: any dota player ?


haha.. sbb aku dah tau macam mana mau letak gambar dekat blog... dun wan story this for to today dan ndak mau cerita apa2 macam mana dan bagaimana, just mau berlagak dgn korg semua ttg kebolehan aku belajar tanpa diajar.magik bukan? lalalalaa

selamat bercinta

Nama dia Alias,sifu aku memekak depan tangga orang waktu dahulu-kala xD..sekrang dah tua da..

somehow i wonder why and apa istimewanya cerita dia sampai aku buat announce dalam blog ni, ndak tau aku..ada masa tu aku befikir pasal dia ni, bukan jenis bercinta.. Dia jenis mak dia carikan jodoh, tub-tub sudah kawin..yalah Alias..apa pun selamat berbahagia dan lekas-lekas la kawin yah..kawin best ..haha

*p/s: lepas ni jgn cakap bini tidak suruh main dota, tarik ccm >.<
*me: kawin best ka ?

sedikit bosan waktu ini

sedikit bosan hari ini...dah la bosan,mood pulak down..kesian kawan2 aku yang hantar msg,aku tidak replay..kredit surut haha.tapi bukan hari ni jak aku x reply msg dorang..dulu-dulu pun sama x reply,kredit tiada...hahaha...
bukan aku kalau cakap bab telepon/handphone erk....aku selalu lupa benda nie,ndak tau napa..malas,no aku pun aku tidak ingat, mau tekan #126# haha...there you go 010 bla bla bla xD
hurmm..i say this i oso i don't know,erk......hahaha....
mood aku kurang baik skrg...
aku pun ndak tau ...datang bulan ? maybe ?
mungking kurang tidur ?
yang pasti,jgn layan aku skrg..
biarkan aku, biarkan aku sendiri2...itu kata aku,kata hati aku ? where got ?
k l chow chin c ..kekekeke

*kata hati aku Just Do It [Nike] ?

another tag yang aku curi..lallaalaa

1. Do you have secrets?
- secrets? secrets latters? kekeke

2. Would you fall in love with anyone younger than you?
- maybe...maybe not..nahhh~~ just maybe..

3. What’s your favorite animal?
- Dragons. Hahaha

4. What would you do with a billion dollar?
- Wow!1st, aku akan berenti berangan mau dpt sejuta ringgit (sbb sua dpt). Then I’ll shop till I drop. But knowing my nature, I’ll most likely buat mcm biasa. Cam biasa meaning: aku guna 10-20-70 rules. 10% for parents, 20% saving, 70% spend..ngee

5. Will you fall in love with a friend?
- definitely. i never trust love at first sight. So the term ‘fall in love’ is not really accurate. The correct term should be ‘grow into love’. Siyesly, someone should know this already!

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved?
- being loved.

7. List your favorite movie
-: Young & Dangerous 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 :-
-: Young & Dangerous: The Prequel :-
-: Portland Street Blues :-
-: The Legendary 'Tai Fei' :-
-: Those Were the Days... :-
-: Born to Be King :-
-: Goodbye Mr. Cool :-
-: Crow Zero 1 & 2 :-
-: Condor Hero 2006 :-
-: Condor Hero 2008 :-

8. If the person you like is already attached, what would you do.
- kacang...buat tidak tau lallalala…

9. 5 Fav TV Shows?
- All shows that can make me laugh for 30 minutes.

10. Do you have any regret?
-Don’t everyone?

11. Would you be the person you are if you are reborn?
- I wish to have the same parents,pastu bersyukur..pastu trii la..ekekeke

12. What do want the most at the moment?
-apa maksud anda?

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
- We are almost alike in term of taste and how we make decision. Only he is neater and more hardworking than me. Hahaha

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
- Huh, tough ah? Single and rich maybe. Aku pentingkan diri sikit..lallalaa…

15. What is your fav colour?
- You mean currently? ndak tau. my head said red,black, but my hand pick all color tricky tricky… xD

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
- ntah… I might

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you choose?
- i never tread ppl like that..

18. Name the country you want to visit most
- Country Story [facebook] lallallaa~~

19. Name things you would like to do but never able to
- 1 vs 5 in dota,mana boleh..

20. People I tag
- all people in the world...ekekeek


Taking Over Me

you don't remember me but i remember you
i lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
but who can decide what they dream?
and dream i do...

i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me

have you forgotten all i know
and all we had?
you saw me mourning my love for you
and touched my hand
i knew you loved me then

i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me

i look in the mirror and see your face
if i look deep enough
so many things inside that are just like you are taking over

i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me

i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me

Taking over me
Your Taking Over Me
Taking over me

Taking Over Me -by- Amy Lee

*Don't be afraid to be the leader, even when you are surrounded by people that don't believe in you.

Aku Kau & Dota [part 3]

playing dota make me thinking banyak hal..so here we goes again

"Being the best doesn't means you are better than others but being bad does means you are worst than the rest"

"Being lonely doesn't means people don't like you and having a throng of friends doesn't means
people like to be with you"

"Being successful in every single thing you did doesn't means you are a champion but working hard towards achieving your dream is what makes you a champion"

"Being living comfortably in this world doesn't means you achieve everything because the real life is yet to come"

i like this entry. salah satu pebret aku! pikiran2 yang baik utk refleksi diri. teruskan pikir benda2 berguna mcm ni k...ingat2 utk hari esok. hidup kena selalu ada perancangan, kebetulan yang baik adalah satu rezeki. baik merancang. haha..my sister owes remmember me bout that...

like im say, i am a right brained dominant person..I spent a lot of time on DOTA. Masa mula-mula main game ni yalah, susah..cakap game ni ini itu la..tidak sebenarnya kalau dah biasa main,dan..i have now tired of this game. But i must say it is very addictive... ??not really, cos for me it's only a game and i like this game so much. Selalu kalau duduk main dota bukan aku setakat main, tapi banyak benda yang aku pikir, thinking semua benda yang berada dilingkungan ku..haha..how come? cannot discribe,i don't know how to tell you

p/s: don't ask me about DOTA,play this game for "7 years oledi" but still i'm noob haha.

another research

since i eagerly want to know who i am. i did study my behavior well recently. so here we go.

i am a right brained dominant person.
i see the world in my own unique way...susah ni mau discribe tapi bunyinya begitu la.
aku jenis yang buat keputusan sendiri dengan cari sendiri.
i processes information in a rapid, spatial, and perceptual manner.
i concentrates more on emotion than logic.
i rely on imagination when finding solutions to problems.
i operate in a nonlinear, simultaneous style.
i tend to think visually-spatially more than verbally.
sometimes aku tidak dapat kawal emosi dengan tenang.
aku jenis yang tidak kisah,maksud ku...dikhalyak ramai.
i love to convince myself of things that aren't true.
i am constantly put myself down.
i always convince myself that i don't deserve anything good.
i hate compliments.
i often think of who i am, but only the negative comes to mind.
i am trying to match myself to an impossible standard.
aku bohong sebab aku silap dalam kebenaran
aku percaya yang lain berbohong sebab mau gembirakan aku
i cant stop from lying to myself.
i pretend to be all together but i barely breathing.
i tend to hurt myself on the inside.
i enjoy from helping someone in a sad situation or being a grief counselor.
i tend to feel secluded from others.
i have little confidence which doesn't help with socialising.
i am only extremely reliable if i want too.
i do not have rules of engagement.
aku jenis yang aggressive in silent way.
i am persistence on something pay off.
i was one of society part although people may not want too.
i have a bold personality.
tidak suka tangguh-tangguh, and not in small stages.
i am self centered person.
i am reckless and easily manipulated by situation.
i do have temper problem.
i always wanted to be protected,loved, and adored.
i enjoy most of my time being alone or in small group.
i easily turned into "cold" mood when depressed.
i tried to see the good in life but have fallen short.
i am a bit out of norm.
i am pissed off that people won't accept me for who i am.
i often said to be rude but it's the way of who i am.
i hardly cry and only do when i am angry or badly hurt.
i am one rebellious person.

hurmm..ya.itu jak yang aku boleh discribe buat masa ni. its far complicated actually. :)


wheres my tears go ?

when our skin wounded, the body builds up thick skin on that place... A thick skin that is stronger than the unwounded skin.. when our skin wounded again and again at the same spot, the sensitivity of the skin lessen and the thick skin will inevitably thicker. normal la tu,sebab memang kerja badan kita buat begitu,to protect the skin, it gives up "sensitivity for strength"...Similar things happen to our emotional injury...We become harder, colder, and less sensitive. less thoughtful about who we are, what is possible for us, and how we are ignoring that possibility.

kenapa susah betul aku mau lihat keadaan aku yang sebenar?". cuma tidak paham, why it’s easier to look at someone else’s situation more clearly but when it comes to mine, I just don't know what to do. I always have my words to cheer or lift others' spirit when they were sad but yet when I try to use them as my own cure, it fails...I'm no different homo sapiens from others,am I? then why....

There were times I felt so emotionless,frozen hearted and nothing become so big deals, but then there were also times I felt so insecure, seems like the "thick skin" had gone from protecting me and the sensitive spot is exposed with dangers. This is what I feel at this moment... takut betul...so insecure...macam ada sesuatu yang hilang tapi ndak tau apa itu...haunted by the contradictions...then when the tears flow but it brings me nowhere...

Dia & End

just now she call again,remind me of my ex-gf.... Met her during a dota tournament at skyland cc and she got my number from my friend, call me during that day after the game. The most funny thing is after a week, she called me and crying that she broke off with her bf. I straight blur, I don't know her well and she just could cry for a so-called stranger(just hi-hi friend only what)...

currently she sits the highest chair inside my heart
the end


Pagi ni mau makan apa ya? suma orang rumah tiada,pigi kenduri haha..just now baru sahaja adik aku call up,story dalam telepon 20-30 minit lama tidak dengar suara dia,sian pulak dia duduk KL sendiri-sendiri,biarla dia berdikari untuk sementara di sana,belajar~~~laalalaaa haha..suka kalau buat dia nangis,tau la orang perempuan ni sensitif,sekaian terima kasih ✖‿✖

p/s: dont try mumbling on me ..ngeee


my research












*kata-kata yg selalu buat aku berfikir panjang...

night epic of mine

when the rotten world sets the suns
those bright days is towards the end
then the moons shine the hopeless lights
leaving shadows scattered all around

fear filled within shallowed souls
looking for light from biblical text
they found nothing but despair
breaking the fragile faith they share

and those who believe buried inside
as the beast inside is unleashed
untamed, uncontrollable, unstoppable
nothing left white but the moons

and its remains shining upon the night
thats getting darker every moment
awaits there, the suns for the new dawn
to once again shines upon those astray


1st para:
when the circumstances kills the hope
joys are fading away from life
replaced by religion guidance that seems to be weakened
leaving nothing but illusive goodness

2nd para:
those people who are less educated in religion are filled with fear of the worlds end
still they try to find something in the holy religion book
but nothing bring them back to the days where faith was strong
thus washing away any faith that they hold before

3rd para:
their goodness and kindness are hidden deep inside
and their evil are exposed on the outside
turning human being to animals
their religion is the only things that remain in good,but not their people

4th para:
however,religion are holy things that can't be wipe out,its survive
even the worst condition,even humanity is nothing more than a word
the religion now awaits till one day
the human founds their faith again


new tag!

i stole this from the stolen survey. kekekeke...

1 MINUTE AGO: reading the stolen survey in sab facebook buletin
1 DAY AGO: beating other ppl indota game at skyland cc
1 WEEK AGO: go to "felda"
1 YEAR AGO: happy with my gf nur hidayah.. but it was a year ago! hahaha~

I LOVE: my laptop and myself
I HATE: people who are annoying me!
I HOPE: i hope...evryone happy
I FEEL: fuzzy..yawn. to much nicotine in my head
I LISTEN: to what my instinct tell!
I HIDE: when i'm mad coz i will laugh too loud,cry for no reason and hurt myself.
I MISS: to fight with my sister puspa
I LEARNED: whatever i do. i'm messed up everything.
I WAITED : the life really turn around when i'm on the good side of life.
I NEED: premium everyday. loves your lung! hahaha
I THINK: i need a lot of my time being alone.

Current Clothes: = jeans only
Current Mood: = weirdo...hekeke
Current Music: = yui - i remmember you
Current Taste: = sour. coz just wake up from sleep. euww..
Current Hair: = as always. i never comb it. so fuzzy!
Current Annoyance: = my laptop fan that sounds too loud! need a new one.
Current Smell: = i don't smell anything as my nose is stuck with something. hehe
Current thing I should be Doing: smoking
Current Desktop Picture: = bleach - bleach hollow
Current Favorite: sitting everywhere playing dota
Current Book: = funny books.xD
Current Movie In DVD: quantum of solace. bang bang.
Current Worry: my mom
Current Crush: i have a crush still with my former xgf. or slightly known as mot.
Current love: i still love her. muah! hehehe



Tag Untuk Girls

sentuhan dari aku yg failed teringat balik bekas2 kekasih...tag ni utk girl jak sbnarnya,sbb teringat x x x xgf tu dan sbb skrng sndri lagi aku tolong jawab la uk mereka hurmm so here we go again..zzz~~~[mood aku down skrng ni,so a bit lazy for evrything don blame if i failed again]

PART A (brands of toiletries)

tidak susah klu jujur~

1. Hair shampoo :
- minyak ikan
[hahaha padan muka]
-dove [pena tgok dia beli dove]

2. Hair conditioner & treatment :
- dove [mungkin sbb bau dia mcm bau dove]
- loreal Hair Treatment [sbb pena ikut jadi guard :P]

3. Facial foam :
-CCleaner [clear all chache cookies & history ngeee xD]
-dermalogica clay cleanser[ yalah ..]

4. Scrubs
- dermalogica daily microfoliant
-dermalogica Skin Prep scrub
[tentu mahal semua2 nie kan?]

5.Facial cream :
-sabun may atau kain kering hehe..
-dermalogica active moist yg sbnarnya

6. Lotion :
- Nivea dan sebagainya

7. Shower cream :
-shokubutsu,cosway [sbb aku pun guna benda ni heheh..]

8. Lipstick
- Lip Sher colour, revlon, silki girl, maybelline,ZA,MAC,MCA,JPJ,JPI,jabatan kerja raya.hehe suka suka

9. Perfume
- DKNY be delicous
- One drop perfume
[aku guna pupur jak atau lebh di kenali bedak haha..]

10. deodeorant :
- Rexona[ sama cam aku punya heks ]
-Amway[ tauuu :P ]

PART B (makeup)

1. foundation :
- Loreal

2. Compact/Loose Powder :
-ndak tau apa nie...tapi aku rasa diaorng guna tepung jap jagung

3. Concealer :
- ????

4. Eye :
- ntah

5. Blusher :
- ndak paham apa ni

6. Gloss :
- gloss???glukosa? haha

PART C (clothes)

Just state the favourite brand that you have only:

1. T-shirt
- BUM, MNG, esprit , padini, seed, ZARA, GAP [wahhh costing la]

2. Jeans :
- Levis, Esprit,mng
[aku plak guna brang2 bandel jak]

3. Baju kurung / melayu :
- beli dah siap
[kompom tidak pndai menjait...uhuhu]

4. Shoes :
- Vincci ,clerk and keith[ jenis mcm selipar ]
- primavera[ni kasut]
-nike, adidas,puma [ni utk spot]

5. Slippers :
- kaki ayam..
[haha padan muka lagi]

6. Spectacles/ shades :
[tidak seorng yg guna ni]

7. Hijjab :
- shawl ngan tudung bawal, ariani klu tidak silap aku.. =)

8. Underwear :
- Opsss... xD

9. Belt :
- ntah

10. Socks :
[kadang kadang guna kasut tapi tiada stokin,kaki bau aha..]

11. Watch :
- Guess
- vincci
[fogot edi]

PART D (technology)

1. Mobile Handphone :
- Nokia
-walki tolki atau botol kacak hehe..zaman p ramli xD

2. Laptop/ notebook :
- [aku guna compaq preserio CQ40]

3. Printer/ scanner :
-Epson 3 in 1

4. Camera :
-samsung dan sebagainya

5. Mp3/ Mp4 :
-sony dan seagainya

dah siap da...masa utk umumkan nama pemenang,dan pemenangnya....
[heheh...hadiahnya...single ..????]

Person to TAG
-Cik Akma
-Andi Natalia
-Selamat Tahun Baru Cina
-Selamat Hari Kekasih
-Selamat Memperingati Kekasih

*done xD

aku yang failed lagi

Syukur aku dilahirkan Islam

Islamnya aku kerana kurniaan

Islamnya aku caturan Tuhan

Islam itu agama nan indah

Islam itu petunjuk arah

Islam itu mampu mengubah

Islam itu janjinya mewah

Melayu ini pekerti budiman

Melayu ini berwajah rupawan

Melayu ini berakhlak sopan

Melayu ini hakikatnya menawan

Betapa besar nikmatMu Ilahi

Melayu Islam di tanah subur ini

Tidak tersungkur dikejar peluru senjata api

Tidak diancam bom ‘pejuang’ berani mati

Tidak kebulur krisis kepincangan ekonomi

Tidak tersepit pertelingkahan dua parti

Tidak terkubur di telan gempa bumi dan gunung berapi

Betapa agung takdirMu Rabbi

Melayu Islam di bumi bertuah ini

Terbang bebas seperti helang

Tiada takut tak perlu bimbang

Poket berisi perut pun kenyang

Pemerintah adil ekonomi berkembang

Fakir miskin ramai yang sayang

HambaMu mampu bernafas tenang

Namun begitu wahai Tuhan

Melayu Islam di daerah damai ini

Semakin jauh dari landasan

Berlari pantas memintas ajaran

Melanggar meredah hukum peraturan

Asyik mengabdi tuntutan zaman

Lelaki perempuan tiada batasan

Sentuh bercumbu erat pelukan

Kain secebis hiasan badan

Singkat ketat jadi pujaan

Dadah dan arak jadi santapan

Musik hiburan dendang perasaan

Terheret terjelepuk dikaki syaitan

Cuai hanyut dariMu Tuhan

Karam dihanyut lautan perasaan

Aduhai Penciptaku Tuhan

Aku malu kerana Islam ini hanya pada nama

Melayu ini hanya pada rupa

Ikrar padaMu terus dikhianati

Ajaran Al Quran disisih ketepi

PerintahMu diabai rakus dicabuli

LaranganMu amalan setiap hari

Sunah NabiMu dipersenda diragui

Fatwa ulama dimusiumkan sepi

‘Nahi Mungkar’ tiada berfungsi

‘Amal Maaruf’ persoalan peribadi

Ya Rabbi Ya Rahman

Ya RahimKasihanilah kami, rahmatiah diri

Segelintir hambaMu,

Melayu Islam di syurga dunia ini

Walau tidak rela namun tidak berdaya

Walau membara di dada, tiada berkuasa

Walau membenci tiada upaya

Hanya padaMu, kami berserta

Lindungi kami hingga akhirnya…

*buat renungan diri aku sendiri....manusia seperti aku memang mudah lalai dan lupa dalam segala hal

*moga aku tergolong antara golongan yang sentiasa mendapat petunjuk dan hidayah dari yang Maha Esa....amin.....

*mood aku down

aku yang failed

hari ni tidak bnyk aktiviti yg aku buat,duduk rmh jak memanjng,makan tidur main game,ada masa aku rajin tu aku buat la kerja rumah..ok enuf of that..here we go again...sesuatu yg aku terbaca masa surfing2 tadi,
6 persoalan dlm kehidupan..aku sendiri pun tidak dpt jawab..klu pun aku boleh jawab tidak sama dgn mksd tersirat dia..

#1: Apakah yang PALING DEKAT dengan diri kita di dunia ini?

-Yang paling dekat dengan kita adalah “MATI”. Sebab itu sememangnya janji Allah swt
bahwa setiap yang bernyawa pasti akan mati. (Ali Imran 185)

#2: Apa pula yang PALING JAUH dari kita di dunia ini?

-Yang paling jauh dari kita di dunia ini adalah “MASA LALU”. Walau dengan apa
cara sekalipun kita tidak dapat kembali ke masa lalu. Oleh sebab itu kita harus
menjaga hari ini dan hari-hari yang akan datang dengan perbuatan yang sesuai dengan ajaran Agama.

#3: Apa yang PALING BESAR di dunia ini

-Yang paling besar di dunia ini adalah “NAFSU”. Maka kita harus berhati-hati dengan
nafsu kita, jangan sampai nafsu membawa kita ke neraka.

#4:Apa yang PALING BERAT di dunia ini?

-Yang paling berat di dunia ini adalah “MEMEGANG AMANAH”. Tumbuh-tumbuhan, binatang, gunung, dan malaikat semua tidak mampu ketika Allah swt meminta mereka
untuk menjadi kalifah (pemimpin) di dunia ini. Tetapi manusia dengan sombongnya
sanggup dengan permintaan Allah swt, sehingga banyak dari manusia masuk ke
neraka kerana ia tidak dapat memegang amanahnya

#5: Apa yang PALING RINGAN di dunia ini?

-Yang paling ringan di dunia ini adalah meninggalkan SOLAT. Gara-gara pekerjaan
kita dan kehidupan dunia, kita meninggalkan solat, gara-gara bermesyuarat dan
berseronok-seronok, kita meninggalkan solat.

#6: Apa yang PALING TAJAM di dunia ini?

-Yang paling tajam di dunia ini adalah “LIDAH MANUSIA” Kerana melalui lidah,
Manusia selalunya menyakiti hati dan melukai perasaan saudaranya sendiri.

*jujur,aku failed~~ dalam segala hal aku failed~~ sbb aku pun selalu failed oWHhh T_T


Hari Kekasih Hari Memperingati Kekasih?

ndak perna ku tau hari sedemikian wujud,tapi menurut orang2 hari tu wujud,ada! jadi di kesempatan ni,sebelum mata terlelap..aku ingin menunjukan setingi2 penghrgaan kepada kepada semua bekas kekasih ku..antaranya :-


*nama tidak menurut urutan kronologi sebenar. harap maklum.

hurmm...ok enuff! ndak ingat beberapa nama lagi ada 2-3 mungkin.. tp memori dorang mcm terbayang2. biar aku tdr luk untuk ingat nama dorg. hmm..np byk sgt? sbb aku sorg yg bermasalah dalam hubungan. zaman muda2 kn?mau buat mcm mana..ish2...aku buakan menunjuk-nunjuk sbb bnyk kekasih... bukan..aku cuma mau tunjuk aku amat berrmasalah dalam hubungan. bukan sbb mau tunjuk-tunjuk,, tunjuk duit raya? tee..he..hee.. kesimpulannya disini,kdg2 kita syg semua. tp xsemua bertahan. jadi? yg mampu kita buat adalah bertahan. itu satu2nya sebab aku masih mampu berdiri hari ini...walaupun rapuh aku tetap ndakkan jatuh..

hurmm...seblum tu,aku tujukan lagu element..bukan orang suci,kepada x2gf ku,dan terima kasih sbb bagi aku pegajaran..
selamat menyambut hari memperingati bekas kekasih!


Terima Kasih Tulang

idea ni dtg masa di hospital tadi petang
..dari melawat seorang kawan..
so,here we go again

kita d nugerahkan kranium
utk myimpan otak,biji mata
dan angota lain
dan juga di anugerahkan sebnyak 204 tulang
yang membolehkan pergerakan.
tapi tulang yg bnyk berjasa
ialah tulang femur yang kuat
yang membenarkan kau dan aku
dan semua-semua kita melompat
berjalan,dan ke sekolah
ndak lupa juga tulang hamerus
dan falanges
otot yg terbina daripada
75%air 20%protien 5%gram galian
glikogeo,glukos dan lemak
tanpanya kita ndak mungkin
boleh bernafas sempurna
ntahla apa yg akan terjadi
dgn kita klu benda tu
semua ndak ada
hurm...fikirlah syukur dan berterima kasihla
pada semuanya yg datangnya daripada Allah ta`ala...

*cinta *love *wo ai ni

sms kawan kawan..hehehe

alias: kau igt satu perkara ni nai

alias: adapun perempuan itu sngt pemalu orgnya
kadang2 klu dia suka dgn seseorng
dia akan buat selamba jak mukak dia

alias: jadi klu jumpa situasi mcm gini,awas!!

alias: dia perlukan perhatian yg lebih..

me: ???

alias: selamat jatuh cinta dan anda skrng berada dalam zon "sakit jiwa"

*cinta *love *wo ai ni

Aku Kau & Dota [part 2]

teringat kembali wajah2 semalam, membuatkan diri ku mula ketawa plahan- lahan... mana ndaknya, wajah2 yang sentiasa brubah rubah dr masa ke semasa dan dsebalik wajah2 itu smemangnye t’simpan suatu rahsia yang menjadi rahsia dalam lukisan khidupan ku...

Sungguh pantas sang waktu itu b’lari. Sudah 8tahun waktu itu b’lalu. B’lalu tanpa mnoleh kembali ke belakang,ke arah i’ris mata ku. Secara xsengaja, ia telah m’dewasa kan pmikiran serta langkah pjalanan ku dalam khidupan...

Cerita dsebalik wajah2 itu tetap mjadi coretan dalam setiap lukisan yang pernah ku lakarkan. Ssungguhnya, setiap k’indahan yang hadir dalam khidupan kita itu secara sengaja atau xsengaja hanya bsifat smentara. Tapi k’indahan itu mampu mbuatkan kita tsenyum untuk selamanye.

Percaya lah, setiap pkara yang blaku itu smemangnye telah dtakdirkan. Kita mrancang, Allah juga turut mrancang. Tapi prancangan Allah itu smemangnye lebih baik dari prancangan kita. Ssungguhnye, Allah itu Maha Mengetahui ! [end of part 2]

another dota pictures

*just say im dota


i'm learning

it's all about taking chances; about doing something everyone said you couldn't do; it's about acting goofy; it's about not caring what other people think; it's about learning to love what you have.

Biarkan Berlalu

Bila bersemadi warna cinta
Pudarlah segalanya
Tiada mentari lagi
Yang mengiringi perjalanan

Mestikah bersedih
Pada hakikat
Dikurniakan padamu
Bukankah cita-citamu
Memperjudikan kasih sayang

Kita mampu merancang
Hanya Tuhan menetukan
Tak perlu dikisahkan

Janganlah memburu
Angin yang berlalu
Kelak kau terima
Jawapan yang kecundang
Pulang saja di mana
Permulaan langkahmu
Biar saja angin terus berlalu

*biarkan jak semua berlalu

Mood Aku Down Lagi [part2]

i dedicated this post for someone that i know edi..
why we break?mari...

cinta dan prinsip
ni crita dulu2 aku,sbb skrng dia berulang lagi,story dia mcm ni.
masa time couple dulu..aku kenal dgn seseorang
then msg2.
kdg2 dia pggl aku syg.
aku jrg kenak panggil.
jadi aku hargainya.
then terpikir knp aku dgn xgf aku dingin.
aku takut sbb aku msg seseorang.
then aku story dgn dia apa yg aku dgr.
last2 gaduh.
that someone nsht aku.
kwn2 smua nsht aku.
jadi aku dengar.
dah ok.
pastu dia ckp tarik balik sponsor.
aku ckp ndak kisah.
tp tarik semua.
dan jgn libatkan nama seseorang tu
last2 dia petik jugak nama.
gaduh lg. then dia stuju nk bg tanpa syarat.
pastu dia bg la some amount.
esoknya aku dgr cerita dia mau jugak seseorang tu mintak maaf.
aku tanya dia. pastu dia mrah2.
hurmm. aku call mau tanya baik2 sian.
sbb aku jenis xdgr khabar angin.
pastu ndak tau dingin semacam amsa tu..
sampai satu saat dia buat keputusan.
sakit sunguh.
pastu dia memperlekehkan ayat2 cinta aku dulu.
sunguh sakit.
dia ketawakan aku.
sakit2 sungguh2-sunguh sakit.
pastu dia ckp rindu.
pastu dia mintak maff.

end of story

ni penerangan ttg isu ni jadi klu boleh sapa yang baca ingat betul2!

untuk jadi korup dan buat slh tanpa mangsa tidak apa bg aku.
tarik sponsor? fine. sbb itu sponsor. xsmestinya dpt.
lagi pun. sblm ape2 mesti la ada hitam putih dan perancangan.

pastu berkenaan menjatuhkan maruah that 'someone'.
aku xsejahat itu untuk jatuhkan maruah sapa2.
aku xpernah jatuhkan maruah org lain. wlupun musuh.

dia ckp yg kalau seseorang tu' xmintak maaf maruah dia yang jatuh.
wtf. apa kes pulak maruah kau jatuh.
kau xpaham langsung konsep maruah.
maruah kau xkan pernah jatuh tanpa dia mintak maaf.
sbb xpnh apa yg terjadi antara aku dan seseorang tu.

dan untuk ckp aku menyebelahi dia?
ya. mmg aku menyebelahi dia.
bukan sbb dia special.
sbb dia xbuat slh bg aku.
dan dgn alasan aku xcintakan kau.
aku pentingkan dia.

itu salah.
semua ni aku buat sbb prinsip hidup.
kalau kau xpernah ada prinsip hidup.
then aku paham knp kau buat mcm ni.
kau terlampau naif untuk paham hal2 giini.

"cinta bukan alasan untuk mengeksploitasi keadaan,
persahabatan bukan alasan untuk memanipulasi keadaan"

Mode Aku Down Lagi

so here we goes..
Haha..menang lagi,kemenangan ke-7 malam nie..dota player ..heks,sambil layan sebatang rokok sambil degar lagu Christina Aguilera "What A Girl Wants",lucu juak lagu nie...sambil senyum sendrik2 i talk to my self,ask my self..kenapa lelaki x boleh setia dengan perempuan/girl/wanita? bukan cakap senang,tapi bagi aku...soryy to say to "women want everything but men only want one thing".
in detail,for man only wan one thing,"seks".hakikat pulak..lelaki apabila melakukan seks,hanya mahukan kepuasan mereka dipastikan.Itu sahaja.Ini bukan kata Pak Serban Kopiah atau Dalai Lama - ini kajian saintifik.Jangan mau menipu diri kalau kata "saya mau perempuan yang ada ciri Islamik untuk memastikan anak-anak saya terdidik dalam ajaran yang benar".Ini mengarut.Berapa ramai pak kopiah yang kedapatan dekat Jalan Raja Laut?Atau di Jalan Raja Culan?

Tulisan ini bukanlah bertujuan untuk mengaibkan atau memalukan.Ini adalah kajian saintifik.Ini adalah berdasarkan pemerhatian saintis dan pakar perhubungan dan pakar psikologi dan dan dan lagi.Perkara ini berlaku bukan sehari dua yang lepas,perkara ini sudah berlaku berratus-ribu tahun yang lalu,pada zaman itu batu dan kayu adalah teknologi tercanggih manusia,atau nama saintifiknya,Homo Sapiens..?betul ka aku eja?..

Jika dilihat kepada speisis-speisis haiwan yang lain,seperti kucing,anjing ataupun monyet,pihak yang jantan biasanya akan bertarung dengan jantan yang lain untuk merebut betina.Saya perhatikan kucing-kucing saya - semasa zaman pengangguran saya.Mereka berkelakuan sama seperti manusia - cuma bezanya mereka tidak memandu kereta.Mereka hanya dilanyak kereta.Mereka juga tidak mengSMS atau mengfacebook untuk mendapat pasangan.Mereka membuat bunyi-bunyian "ngauk-ngauk" dan kucing-kucing betina pun terpesona.Sama seperti burung merak yang mengepakkan bulu pelepah di belakangnya.Tapi manusia - menggunakan akal,voicebox dan opposable thumbnya untuk terus mengawan.

Kalau diperhatikan arwah kucing saya yang jantan yang bernama Axe,yang mengawan dengan kebanyakan kucing-kucing betina di sekeliling kawasan rumah saya,kecuali dengan kucing femme fatale saya yang bernama Slark(kerana dia dimandulkan sebab kesihatannya),saya perhatikan tidak ada konsep setia bagi haiwan ini.Tidak pernah pula saya bayangkan yang kucing betina jiran sebelah saya buat tuntutan fasakh atau saman malu dengan kucing jantan saya.Tidak pula kucing betina yang lain bergaduh dan bergasak dengan kucing betina yang lain kerana kucing jantan saya.Mereka bunting,mereka beranak.Anak sendiri pun mereka belasah.Khalas.

Tapi manusia bukan kucing - manusia dikatakan mempunyai akal dan segala benda lain untuk membezakan diri dengan haiwan yang lain.Hakikatnya manusia masih lagi bersikap seperti haiwan.Contohnya ada didepan mata kita - Harimau Kayu dan John Terry.Saya tidak menyalahkan mereka kerana "animal instinct" mereka - saya rasa mereka juga ada hak untuk menjadi diri sendiri.

Tapi hakikatnya manusia itu sendiri yang membuat semuanya jadi kompleks.Semuanya jadi complicated dan memeningkan.Mewujudkan perkataan "setia","monogami","curang","cheater",'selingku" dan sebagainyala...Sebenarnya manusia mula berkeluarga bila kelas masyarakat bermula - 10,000 tahun yang lalu.Pada sebelum itu,manusia tidak berkeluarga.Mereka melakukan sama seperti kucing,anjing atau burung merak.Apabila institusi berkeluarga diwujudkan,maka wujudlah istilah-istilah begini.Jadi para ilmuwan dan agamawan untuk melindungi kelas elit ini mewujudkan apa yang dikatakan sebagai "keluarga".Ini untuk membuatkan rakyat jelata di bawah,akan terus setia bersama keluarga mereka setia dengan keluarga pemerintah.Dan mereka akan terus jadi petani atau penternak untuk kaum feudal.

Pernah ka tengok cerita Cina zaman purba yang dimana kalau satu orang buat kesalahan,seluruh keluarga dipancung?Ini adalah satu bukti kenapa keluarga diwujudkan.Untuk mewujudkan kesetiaan kepada pemerintah.Yang raja kekal jadi raja,yang hamba kekal jadi hamba.Yang petani kekal jadi petani.Yang cikgu kekal jadi cikgu - seluruh keturunannya.

Sebenarnya untuk memahami lelaki ini tidak sekompleks memahami wanita.Saya bercakap dari sudut saintifik.Pernah dikatakan oleh seorang ahli falsafah,"women want everything but men only want one thing".Bila bercakap pasal perempuan,mereka mahu semuanya in-detail.Macam mana kalau ada lelaki yang mahu berkenalan,mereka jika mahu serius dengan lelaki itu,mereka akan tanya bermacam jenis soalan seperti Pegawai Imigresen United Kingdom.Kalau lelaki keluar dalam keadaan yang mencurigakan mereka dapat pastikan yang lelaki itu sedang menipu.Mereka ada alat pengesan sinaran X yang sangat canggih.Dan apabila bershopping atau menghias rumah,mereka mahu semuanya in-detail.Kalau baju warna ini warna itu.Kalau kain langsir warna ni,set sofa mesti warna tu jugak.Lelaki?Asal halang cahaya matahari,asal dapat duduk,sua la.Asal pakai baju,suda la.Apa mau bising-bising kan?

Pun begitu disini,aku bukanlah mahu membackup si Harimau Kayu atau John Terry yang menduakan bini mereka.Bini mereka pun sungguh cantik - tapi kenapa mereka masih lagi mahu menduakan bini mereka?Bukankah sudah cukup dapat bini cantik - mau apa lagi?Tamak?Haloba?

Bukan - ini adalah naluri.Instinct.Tapi kenapa mereka lakukan perkara sedemikian?Apa yang membuatkan instinct mereka membuat perkara begitu?

Balik ke petak pertama - kepada quote ahli falsafah yang saya katakan tu.Lelaki cuma mahu satu perkara - seks mereka dipuaskan.Mungkin Harimau Kayu dan John Terry tidak puas dalam kehidupan seksnya.Mungkin Elin Nordegren atau Toni Poole tidak cukup kinky seperti Lani Lane atau Maria Ozawa.Atau mungkin Elin dan Toni mula perlu membeli Harakah untuk menjadi agen pengedar Kopi Janda,atau Kacip Fatimah.Kemahuan lelaki bukannya mau suruh perempuan belikan rumah besar atau dinner di restoran 5 bintang,atau membeli teddy bear besar.

Di rumah makcikku,dia ada 1 ekor kucing jantan yang setia dengan kucing betinanya.Ini penemuan pelik.Kucing ini tidak pernah berenggang atau menggatal dengan kucing lain.Kucing ini sangat setia.Nama kucing ini Ngok Ngek.Saya panggil ia Ngok Ngek sebab dia ni memang ngok ngek,bila bagi makan dia ndak tau mana satu ikan masa satu pasir - tapi pasal kesetiaan kepada bininya memang saya salute.Bininya dah perut besar pun dia masih lagi setia kepada bininya.Ini patut dicontohi oleh semua lelaki seluruh dunia.Saya pun fikir kenapalah agaknya si ngok ngek ni setia dengan bininya.Rupa-rupanya rahsia bini si Ngok Ngek ni terbarai - minah ni sungguh hebat di ranjang,eh salah - di semak.sakit perut ku ketawa melihat si Ngok Ngek ni tercungap-cungap membuat "smash kencang" hayunannya itu,bininya muka cool jak.Kecantikan dan kelawaan tidak menjamin ini semua.Ini hakikat.Bininya bukan speisis Parsi atau Turkish Angora.Kucing speisis biasa jak.

Jadi perempuan,jika mahu lelaki terus setia bersama anda,buka-bukalah buku Kama Sutra atau The Perfumed Garden tulisan kadi Muhammad ibn Muhammad al-Nafzawi yang mengajar ilmu seks yang paling mantap.Cari buku yang ditranslatekan oleh Sir Richard Francis Burton.Mula pergi ke pusat yoga untuk mantapkan peredaran darah dan tenaga Chi dari dalam.Mula makan Jamu dan herba-herbaan.

Kalau ndak - saman ka,tuntutan fasakh ka,lari ka apa,tidak dapat buat apa-apa.Kalaulah "isteri solehah yang boleh membimbing anak-anak ke jalan yang benar dan soleh" tu satu jaminan,kenapa ada ustaz yang "ana,anta" sanggup lari dari bini yang bertudung dan bersopan santun dan berkahwin dengan hartis?

Ingat - apabila kita sua lakukan kajian saintifik,barulah kita boleh percaya.Kalau tidak - buang masa jak.

p/s:tulisan ini bukanlah mau mengatakan lelaki gila seks,tapi ada dikalangan kita yang suka percaya/menuduh/menyalahkan, tanpa mengkaji hakikat dan kajian saintifik.aku tidak percaya kepada kabar angin/cakap orang tanpa pengalaman,atau kajian saintifik.Jangan salah sangka dengan ini semua,ini cuma kiasan tentang hal sebenar, tidak ada terniat mengkritik wanita,bahkan saya sendiri mencintai wanita dan saya menyokong wanita..Tidak,tidak pernah sekali-kali..sendiri pikir la,kita sudah semakin jauh dengan hakikat.Hakikat yang kita adalah sama seperti haiwan lain.wanita adalah hati dan nurani kepada satu bangsa manusia..kerana mereka yang melahirkan kita semua.Jika wanita maju, seluruh bangsa manusia akan maju.semua ni bukan tentang seks atau sebab nafsu,tapi berdasarkan kajian saintifik oleh para saintis yang ada..

*ni jak yang aku ingat,separuh dari kandungan "sex talk versi s`por"

Tag [ Hello ]

Name 7 things about yourself that people might find it interesting .
-i tend to remain silent in crowd
-i tend to have a "harsh" joke with friends
-i can sleep minimum per day 1hour [cos of dota alot]
-i don't believe in my self
-i can sleep maximum per day 24 hour straight [cos of dota so much]
-i'm not really sane person (i think)
-i hate my own self

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, Winamp,etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
4. Tag 10 friends.
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!

**let it be-benny benassi**
(yeah..let it be okay!)

**Bubbly - Colbie Caillat**

**ready to love-yui**
(in girls only!)

**Anger - Evanescence**
(tak suka tak lazat..heks!)

**Careless Whisper - Seether **
(erk..how to discribe that one ...)

**Jauh Mimpiku - Peterpan**
(lai lai..aku mau jauh dari mimpiku~)

**Cartoon Couple - Yuna**

**Wait and Bleed - Slipknot**
(hahaha...they wait and bleed!)

**Biru Mata Hitamku - Wings**
(haiz?? biru mata hitamku?)

**Pokerface - Lady Gaga**
(tepat sekali untuk Rina..hehe.. :*)

**Whatever It Takes - Lifehouse**
(ha.. apa2 jak la~)

**Bukannya Aku Takut - Juliete**
(wah..setaringnya >.< )

**I Remember You - Yui**
(kena la pulak..hehe)

**Asterisk - Orange Range**
(hehe,time kawin nyanyi lagu ost anime bleach?kes kes..kes!)

**Highschool Rocker - Bunkface**
(bunk bunk face)

**Dota - Basshunter**
(no comment)

**Drowning - Backstreet Boys**
(memang! haha)

**Nobody - WonderGirls**
(ndak paham...zzz)

**Around The World - Initial D**
(mau bah,hehe!)

**Anthem Of The World - Stratovarius**
(yup. they are!)

**Hello - Evanescence**
(sebab skrng tgh dengar lagu amy lee :P..)

siap! dari 217 songs from my winamp.

tibalah masanya utk aku umumkan 10 penerima tag ni.
1. anda
2. awak
3. saudari
4. saudara
5. encik
6. cik
7. kamu
8. kalian
9. You
10.kamu la yg bca smpai no 10 nie..tee..heee.hee
selamat menjawab k...

how about u.. u ..u.. and u..or u..

sometimes i build wall not because i wanted people to stay outside..
but im waiting for someone who cares enough to break it and live inside..

mode aku silent

kenapa? why?
ndak tau,and i dont know and i dont understand..
maybe i just need my own sweet time..
ndak jugak bah,cuma...itu la...itu la...apa yang itu la..zzz, focusing on every single things that i've done or will be doing..
no. its not because of the comments that i got from facebook.
or not also from the status that i read at facebook...im just tired of being someone like this.
im also tired of being some kind of person who is needed to fill one's lonesomeness or boredom...erk? apa aku cakap ni ya..haha..mungkin bosan sua dengan umur yang sua tua ni tapi masih jua blom kawin kawin..te..he..hee
k la..superduper tired lew..

*continue with silent mode until further notice..adiosss